Diary Only

1959 Diary

This Book Belongs to:
Julie Neuendorf

Dates to Remember:

Nov. 21, 1958, Daniel and I started going steady
Feb. 7, 1959, Tuck Formal with Daniel
Feb. 12, we broke up (I’d rather forget it.)
April 25, Jr.-Sr. Prom with Ronnie Keits
June 14, long planned date with Daniel.

Places visited:
Sioux Falls, SD, January 30 – February 2.
            Remarks: Luscious time! Went shopping, played on the escalators, had two pizza parties and two slumber parties (no sleep) and met loads of neat kids! Visited Carol. Only bad thing – we lost the game.

January 1, 1959

Dear Diary,

I’m just going to continue this on from the old diary – if I ever do get it written. Today we got up real late (slept at Woodwards – Carol, Susan, and me) and didn't have any clothes down there except our party dresses. So we put our jackets over our pajamas and came home in our heels and stuff. Crazy, man. Daniel came up this afternoon and we all went over to Ruth’s to help her get ready for her party tonight. But Daniel and I just sat and held hands on the couch and talked. It was so sweet and wonderful. The first part of the party tonight we had quite fun, but then we just started arguing over the silliest things, and pretty  soon we both got mad, and then weren't together half the time. But at the end there were only a few couples left, and he apologized and everything. Then all the lights went out and we sat on the couch and necked a little. Oh, I loved him so much then. But when we got out in the car, he changed completely again. It was kind of funny – Carol and Gary, Dan and I, took turns watching each other. Then Daniel was showing how Burt Lancaster kissed. It was really funny – but I knew he wasn't really sincere in wanting to kiss me and it ruined the whole night.

January 2

Carol and I slept over at Susan’s again last night – and of course she told us more stories this time about Alexander the dish and McGillicuty the coleopterist. Then today we went to the show (Bell, Book and Candle) and then went up to Ruth’s to help her clean up after last night. Tonight we went to the game (we beat Aberdeen) and then to the dance. The first part of the dance, Daniel and I really had fun. I’m beginning to think he might be kinda jealous. When I started talking to another boy, he grabs me away, and last night when Jim asked me to dance, he made a face and shook his fist at Jim’s back. There’s lots more, too. Then we went and got some pop and sat down – and something happened. All the life suddenly drained out of him and he hardly said a word to me the rest of the night. I tried to tease him out of it, but he wouldn't pay any attention. Then all of a sudden he asked me, “How are we going to break up?” I said, “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it.” I couldn't ask him what he meant by it tonight, but I will tomorrow. He kissed me a bunch of times, but I don’t think he was completely sincere. It’s getting to be mostly habit, I think.

January 3

This morning I saw Carol off on the bus. I nearly cried, and just when she even climbed into the bus I already missed her terribly. She’s really a wonderful girl. I wish I could be more like her. I just sat around for the rest of the day – didn't even hardly do any homework – and I have so much. I’m getting to be a terrible procrastinator. Daniel called just before noon, but we didn't talk about anything special. I can just feel us drifting farther and farther apart. I thought it all out this afternoon and finally decided it would just be better if we quit going steady before we completely destroy what feelings we have left for each other. And I wanted to talk to him about it today, but he never did call again – and on Saturday, too. Then I started playing all our memory records and remembering what wonderful times we've had. Then I started crying and now I can’t stand to think of breaking up. And it’s really honestly painful. Every other word I think is “Daniel, darling.” I better quit now before I start crying again.

January 4

I went to church today, but even with the Communion service, it was very boring. Just sat in bed and read “Marjorie Morningstar” all day. It’s a very good book, not the story especially, but the principle behind it. Daniel called four times, but we didn't talk about anything special, and I didn't accomplish much. Except the last time tonight. He was in a very good mood, and for once it was fun talking to him. He doesn't especially like hardly any of my friends, especially silly Loretta. He doesn't mix very well with strange people – which is what I have to do, so I usually go with him and his friends. For some off reason he asked me to go to the show with him this next weekend. He hardly ever asks that far ahead – if at all – especially when we’re going steady. And he also said he wished I would have gone to Mass with him Christmas Eve. He must've been thinking a lot about me today. Hope so.

January 5

School today – oh I hate it! It’s so utterly boring. And I loved it so before Christmas. Now all the subjects I used to love, I hate. I’m taking Band, Advanced Algebra, Speech, German, Chemistry, and History. Daniel is in three classes, so that’s not so bad. Oh, he was extra friendly today. He would put his arm around my waist or some sweet thing like that all the time. The girl next to me in history just got engaged, and I was trying on her diamond. I held it up for Daniel to see, and he about fell over. He couldn't figure it out. I was up in the physics lab and after school he came up. He sat there trying to get fresh and suggesting not the nicest things in the world. The same old Daniel again – the Daniel I know likes me. And how I like him! Had Job’s tonight. My first time as Honored Queen. Not so bad – I got all the attention. Daniel called tonight. He might go to the Inaugural Ball at Pierre tomorrow night with Judy Gilman. Hope he doesn't  but I don’t care if he does – I know he’ll be true. We made a date tonight for June 7. Can’t wait!

January 6            

Didn't do anything today either – except decide I hate school more than ever! It’s so unutterably boring – and hard. I was supposed to give my formal speech today and had my heels along in a sack. The guys hid them in the algebra room, and when I got down to speech, they told me where they were. So I went running back up to get them. Then the bell rang, and everything was real quick. I saw Daniel down at the end of the hall – he had just gotten them for me. So I yelled at him to wait, and he yelled at me to hurry up. So there we were running down the hall yelling at each other. The halls were empty and it just echoed all over. We came running into the speech room and everyone sat and laughed at us. I was really embarrassed. Then to top it all off, I don’t have to give my speech ‘til tomorrow, so I’ll have to do it all over!

Daniel called me tonight after school, but I wasn't home yet. Probably just to say good-bye. The Juniors are going to Revillo to play tonight.

January 8

Oh Lord, what a day! (I skipped yesterday, since I was sick and nothing happened – except Daniel came and saw me in my shortie pajamas and all the fellas heard about it – Embarrassing? Man!)

Well, tonight Daniel came up to get me and wanted to go to the show, but I was supposed to go to choir so I wouldn't. But anyway, we went out in the country and stopped a little. It was so nice, ‘til all of a sudden his hands got where they shouldn't be, and I told him to quit it. He got real mad (I never will let him do anything) and said he was getting sick of this. He took me to choir without another word.

But he picked me up after choir and we parked on the side of our house. We didn't say hardly a word for about a half hour. Then finally he said, “Do you just want to call the whole thing off?” I thought about it a little, although I knew darn well what I would answer. I said, “No – do you?” He didn't answer for a long time, and then finally said, “Yes.” I nearly fainted, really. The funniest feeling ran through me and I started sweating all over. Oh, it was terrible. I just sat there stunned for a little while and then gave him his ring back and started getting out. Then he sort of bent over me and said, “You’re not mad?” I can’t remember anything I said after that, except I kept asking him why he wanted to break up, and he wouldn't give me a reason. We talked about it quite a bit more, and I was nearly crying all the time. And, oh, I never wanted to touch him or kiss him so bad in my life. Then finally he put the ring back on my finger and kissed me. Oh, I was so happy! We sat there kissing for a while, and then we started back on the old subject with his question, “Why won’t you give in?” So we sat and discussed that the rest of the night. And he told me of all the kids he knew of that had done stuff. But the most shocking thing of all was that he told me all about him and Cleo. I had honestly believed they hadn't done anything. And he said that all the time he hated her. Oh, sometimes boys are so fickle. But, I will admit that I learned a lot tonight. And I almost can’t help thinking that it might be better someday if we had broken up. I just pray that it won’t be.

January 9

Today Daniel and I kept looking at each other and then we’d start laughing, just remembering the crazy night last night. I think it meant a lot to him, too. But I know I sure like him a lot now. The Juniors went to South Shore this afternoon. Sure missed him (Daniel). Tonight we went down to the game with Karbas (at Huron). There was Loretta, Irma, Mary Ann, Colleen, Mary Kay, and me. It was an absolute riot! All except for the game. It was so close and terribly exciting all the way. At the end we were one point behind with three seconds to go. Tom McGrann shot a long one that bounced off the rim. Oh, everybody was crying so hard (including me.) Afterwards we formed a double line for the team to walk through to the bus, and we were yelling cheers and everything. I think we've got the most school spirit of any school, and we’re really proud of it. The players were all crying afterwards, too. They’re all such wonderful guys. We’re really proud of ‘em. We will beat Huron next time – and at the tournament! I think our team really deserves it.

January 10

Tonight Daniel and I went to a Frankenstein show, and then to a crummy dance which we left in a hurry. We drove around for a while and finally parked. Everything was really at its peak tonight. For a while we mostly talked – about serious things. Really, I can say anything to him. We talked about Cleo, birth control, what a hicky is, and about us. We started talking about what we saw in each other and I asked him why he was going with me. He said, “Because I love you.” I really didn't know what to say. But I can hardly believe he really does. He just thinks he does and wants what goes along with it. I think I love him, but I’m not sure, because I just don’t want to do it all. I guess it’s just that I don’t love him that much. But then he started kissing me and whispering in my ear, “Julie, I love you. Please?” Oh God, it kept getting harder and harder to say no, and I started getting so scared. But I just kept kissing him and kissing him – I just couldn't help it. Then finally I said I had to go home, so we did. I was just shaking and praying as hard as I could that God would never let me do it. (Getting pretty religious lately, aren't I?) I asked him if he was scared, and he said, “Of what?” I said, “Of what might happen.” He said, “Nothing will happen, Julie. Don’t be scared.” But I was actually shaking and he knew it, too. Then he walked me up to the door and kissed me goodnight so tenderly and whispered, “Good night, Julie.” I nearly died. I’m still shaking a little. God I hope nothing happens to me. Yet he says most everybody does it, and he knows. I don’t want to do it for moral reasons, yet sometimes I’m not exactly sure what those morals are. I hope I find out soon.

January 11

I was with Daniel all day today. He was over here watching me do dishes and stuff, and he said, “You’d make somebody a good wife.” I sure hope so – that’s my main aim in life, I think. I ate supper over at his house – it was fun. Then afterwards we went out and – parked. I was stronger tonight. We really talked a lot. I questioned and argued with him a lot and – you know, I really think he does love me pretty much. We talk a lot about sex any more – but I can talk with him about anything and never get embarrassed.

January 12

Tonight I needed some glue and papers for current events, so Daniel told me to come over and get them. So I did. When I got in the house, he started madly pulling down shades and turning out lights. It was really funny and I just laughed at him, but still it was hard to hold him off. Finally, he carried me into the bedroom and we really messed up that bed! I was so scared his mother would come home like before. We were just goofing around, but having the lights off and in the bedroom would have been rather hard to explain! Then it turned out he didn't have any papers, and had mixes some flour and water for glue. Boy, I really got took. Then he acted real offended when I held him off, and said he was never going to kiss me again till the Tuck Formal (Feb. 7). Then he would forget and kiss me, and kept coming back for “the last kiss.” Sure hope he doesn't stick to it – I couldn't stand it.

January 13

Didn't do much today – went to school. I’m getting such lousy grades lately. Of course, I never put myself out studying. Everybody is getting so excited about the Tuck Formal. We’re doubling with Jim Baker and Sharee Glaze, I think. It should be an absolute ball. I talked to Daniel for a long time after school – it seems like I’m always with him and we’re always talking. It seems funny that we never get tired of each other.

Yesterday I was reading this little book about sex – and really found out some things I didn't know – I was really embarrassed reading it! Gad! And then Sunday night, Daniel was telling me some more stuff I didn't know. I've been leading a very sheltered life! He said that Saturday night he was starting to get hot. Gad, I about died. And then he said I was, too, and I was sorta embarrassed but I know I was. It’s a good thing we quit when we did, though. Sunday Daniel was also telling me ways to get a boy hot – like running your fingers through their hair, rubbing the back of his neck or his leg. I do those all the time – and I never realized at all what I was doing. I’ll have to be more careful.

January 14

I don’t know why, but for some strange reason today I just kept feeling like I was getting sick of Daniel. It just seemed like we were together too much and we kept running out of things to say, ‘til it really got kind of boring. I get days like that every once in a while, and I really don’t think it means anything. I’m just so bored with everything – school and all. And this was a pretty over-all exasperating day. I really studied tonight for the first time in ages – of course, I have four semester tests tomorrow.

Still love Brownie, though. Nothing will change that for a long while.

January 15

Absolutely lousy day. I’ll save this space for something more interesting.

Friday, January 16

Oh, tonight was the most wonderful night in ages!! All the girls, it seemed like, were having trouble getting their guys to ask them to the dance – especially me! When Daniel finally did bring it up, he said he didn't have enough money to take me. Big laugh – it’s only a dime extra. Well, anyway, I made plans to go stay with the girls. Then he finally started leading up to asking me, I told him no, I was going with the girls, and left. So anyway, there were about twelve of us in the car. It was a scream! At the dance, the first one I danced with was Paul Drenkow. That made Daniel mad, so he started dancing with every girl in sight. So did I – with every boy I could manage to get to ask me to dance! I only danced with Daniel six times. We called it our stag night. I danced with just billions of boys and had a ball! Then he would ask me if I was mad, and when I wasn't, he was sorta disappointed. He’s always just trying to make me jealous. And he said the reason he wasn't dancing with me much was because he didn't want to ask me home, because he knew then he would break his promise (about Feb. 7). But at the end he came and asked me if I wanted a ride home. I said, No, I was going with the girls. So we all piled in and went out to the Pine Tree. Everybody was out there – including HIM, so I talked to him quite a while. Then he asked me again to go home with him, so this time I did. We parked out in front of our house, and I was flirting with him like mad, trying to get him to kiss me and break his promise. He started to so many times, but never did. Then finally he drove out onto this neat little back road, stopped, and really broke his promise! Man – like WOW! Oh, it was so romantical! Then we sat and did some serious necking – boy, I was really keyed up. I let him get by with a little, because I didn't want to wreck it. He kept whispering in my ear, “Julie, I love you” or “Oh, Julie” ‘til I nearly went wild – with joy. And he kept telling me I was so sweet and such a doll, and all that. Quite a night for speeches. And I told him the same stuff, so we decided we belong to a “Mutual Admiration Society.” Oh, it was so wonderful and romantic, and I’m so crazy in love with him. Then he also told me that he had more fun tonight then he ever had with Barbara. Sweet and touching. I was glad though. Also he told me of the two promises he broke – the Feb. 7th one and the one he made to himself that he would never tell a girl he loved her until he was twenty-one. So I know he’s pretty sincere about it. Oh, he’s just fabulous, and I’m the most lucky girl in the world!!!!!

January 17

Was with Daniel a little today, but couldn't go out tonight (home too late last night.) We talked on the phone a lot, to but there was never anything to say. Today I drove the car out to the little road where we parked last night – and got stuck. I had to ask an old man who had just had a heart attack to help me get out. It was awful. One wheel would get unstuck – the other then would get stuck. It took at least an hour to get out. Oh – I was so mad at myself for being so stupid. And I hope to God nothing happened to that man – it hurt him pretty bad. Man, I was scared. Oh, what a day.

January 18

Today Daniel came up and he kept flirting around with Sue – as usual. I got mad and left, but pretty soon he came back, we made up, and went out and parked (natch). It seems like that’s all we ever want to do. He was really moody all day, and I just don’t know how to act when he’s like that. So – like tonight, I made him mad. Sharee,  Irma, Mary Tokin and I found the fellas and had a party at Tokins’. There was Daniel, John Diblon, Bob Hegstrom, and Pete Foley. Sharee and Bob, Daniel and I sat in the living room and made out, only I just wasn't in a serious mood, and would hardly let Daniel do anything, and just sat and laughed. He got terribly mad, but I couldn't help it. Then I was flirting with the other guys something terrible – in fact, we were almost making out. Bob – wooo!! That didn't help Daniel any, either. Then we left and drove around a while. They were just picking on Sharee something terrible, but they seemed to like me pretty well. Oh, and John kept saying he was going to take me home last, because we live so close together. Ha. I was the last girl they took home, and then it was only because I asked them to. For finishing touches, I said, “Goodnight Bob, dear, and Peter, dear, and John, dear.” Then at the door, after Daniel kissed me goodnight, I said, “Goodnight Daniel, dear.” Oh – he just had a fit. Man, did I have a ball!!!

January 19

No school today. Went uptown with Sharee, Diane, and Barb. Everybody is wearing long gloves for the Tuck formal. Sexy. Daniel called me. He played poker all last night with the fellas. Boy, he sure was surly. Tonight we went up to Sharee’s and had a practice for our Jr. Class Kapers act. Everybody was there. Afterwards, Daniel and I rode around with Jay. It sure was fun to talk to him again. Wow – he’s neat. Daniel and I didn't get a chance to be alone or talk at all. He didn't even kiss me goodnight. Sure miss it. I want to apologize to him too, for acting like such a dip last night.

January 20

I don’t know what happened, but today Daniel and I didn't pay any attention to each other at all – didn't even hardly speak. Tonight we had dress rehearsal for Kapers. For our Junior Class act, we had a nightclub scene and we all had to dance. Daniel and I danced then, but that’s about all I saw him all night. Then at the end, we snuck out of the finale and over into Junior High. It was all dark over there and we stood and kissed about four times, but didn't really say anything. He didn't have the car, so he told me just to go home with the girls – so I did. I don’t know what’s happening. We act like we don’t even know each other any more. And the funny part is I don’t feel one way or the other about it. But I don’t think I want to break up.

January 21

Oh, I’m so mad, I could just spit! Today was Daniel’s and my second anniversary, and he didn't even remember or say anything about it. And I’ll be darned if I’ll bring it up again like I did the last time. If he doesn't care even that much about it, I’m not going to keep reminding him. He didn't pay hardly any attention to me tonight, either. We had the first night of Kapers tonight and we were together quite a bit, considering. But he had the car and didn't even ask if I wanted a ride or how I was going home. So I went home with my folks. Disgusting. At first when I got home I cried a little because he didn't even remember, but now I can’t think of anything to cry for. I don’t like him at all – and I’m ready to quit anytime. And I’m not even sad at all…

January 22

Today Daniel kept asking me why I was mad, and he finally guessed that he must’ve missed our anniversary – he still doesn't know when it is. Oh, I was so mad at him. Tonight was the last night of Kapers. We’re so glad it’s over – and so tired. Daniel was with me quite a bit, but we really didn't accomplish much. We also rode around after school, but I couldn't help being kinda snotty then, and we didn't accomplish anything either. There was a dance tonight – and I went with the girls, as usual. That’s fun, though. Daniel danced with a few girls at first, but then he was with me the rest of the night. We had a lot of fun dancing – but it was kind of impersonal. Later, he started warming up a little, and he kissed me once very lightly when we were dancing, but I really had to throw myself at him. I don’t like to do that, but I know it’s the only way to get him back now. And I think I want him back – I guess I do love him pretty much.

January 23

Tonight we went to the dance – and had quite a bit of fun – although we really didn't know quite what to say to each other. Afterwards, he drove straight home, got out and opened the door for me, and walked me to the door. I didn't know what he was pulling off – so I didn't say anything. He tried to kiss me goodnight, but I wouldn't let him. Then he told me to call him the next day. I said “no” and started walking in the house. Then he started laughing and picked me up and carried me back to the car. It was all a big joke, but I wasn't too amused at the time. Well, then we went out and parked, as usual. And of course, he had to have his hands where they shouldn't be – and how. He’s getting just a little too familiar, I think. But still, it was terribly romantical. Especially when he whispered, “Julie – Julie, I love you” or “Oh, gosh.” He sounds so pained when he says that. Gad, it just gets me. Then we started telling jokes and got ourselves all out of the mood. A while later, we were talking about it, and he kept insisting I was hot. It’s so hard to believe and actually say it. We’re pretty much in love again – it sure came back fast. But I don’t love him half as much as I used to. I wish I did – this isn't as thrilling.

January 24

Today Loretta and I went down and timed some debates for the speech tournament. Afterwards, Daniel picked me up and we drove around. Then he came up to my house and we horsed around for a while. Tonight we went to the turkey supper at our church, and he had the car afterwards. We went out and parked, but he started in right away, and I wasn’t in any mood for that, so we came home. Nobody was home, but he had to leave right away anyway to get down to the pool hall. About twenty minutes later he came back with such a dumb excuse, that I just loved him. We sat on the couch and necked a while and watched TV, and he said, “Just think what it would be like if we were married.” Believe me, I was. Then Mom and Dad came home.  We sat and talked to Daddy ‘til 11:30. It was such a nice night – I wish we were married – just for the night. But at least he’s serious about us having a chance of getting married – but not me – I know we won’t, and can’t even imagine it. But it sure would be nice.

January 25

Today was Youth Sunday and I was at church from 8:30 – 12 this morning and 6 – 9 tonight. But it was really good. I sang in a sextette this morning and tonight we had our Banquet to Youth. Everything was really good – the best Youth Sunday I think we’ve ever had. This afternoon Sharee picked me up and we rode around all afternoon. We picked up Buzz Roethler, a neat college guy she kind of goes with. Daniel was at the show – that kind of ticked me off, because I didn’t think he had any money – and he’s supposed to save it anyway. I’m keeping our money for the Tuck Formal – because otherwise he’ll spend it. This afternoon, Russ Lunde gave me three cents and Buzz gave me two cents. That was supposed to go toward our Tuck collection. But so far we only have twenty dollars. We should do a lot that night. Daniel called me up today – he was at Pete’s. I didn’t see him all day. I like him real well, but sometimes I wish we weren’t going steady so I could go with other boys.

January 26

Today was nice – nothing spectacular, but just fun and nice. Daniel and I got along real well, and laughed all the time. A new girl, Phyllis Keating, moved here from Sioux Falls, and boy, the boys really rushed her – including Daniel. Every time she looked at him, he smiled so sweetly, and it just made me sick! It would have been funny, except for the fact that he’s my boyfriend! Oh well, he paid a lot of attention to me, too, and boy, I smothered him with it. This afternoon, Susan and I walked home, sat and talked and ate everything in sight. We’re getting all ready to go to Sioux Falls next weekend. Man, that’ll be a riot!!

Tonight, Daniel and I talked on the phone three times. He’s such a nut. I just love him. I really liked him a lot today – more than I have for over a week. Every time I looked at him or thought of him, my stomach just went wild. I felt sick most of the day. I haven’t done that for ages. Nice.

January 27

Today was real nice, too. Daniel was real nice and sweet. He wore the sweater I gave him. Nothing important happened. Pete Foley gave Sheila and I a ride home from school, and of course, Daniel knew about it right away. Everybody sure keeps him posted – I can’t do a thing. He was so sweet and attentive – and sort of quiet. Whenever we walk together, he always sort of puts his arm around my waist – sorta like he’s protecting me or something! Oh, it’s so romantical! It just sends me! I’m getting to like him better every day. He’s so much fun. I didn’t do a thing tonight except listen to records. Susan came over, and I talked to Daniel. I just wish everything would stay like this for a long time.

January 28

This morning, Daniel asked me to the TAP Dance next Saturday, but I’ll be in Sioux Falls so I can’t go. This afternoon he told me he had asked Mary Tesek to it. I was kind of mad at first, but really, I didn’t care at all. As it turned out, he hasn’t really asked her yet. We were over at Roger’s Dairy with a bunch of boys, Mud, Steve, etc, and he demanded his ring back. I gave it to him, and then didn’t pay any attention to him and went with the other boys. Pretty soon he gave it back. Tonight we went to the school and worked on our cloud chamber. We had loads of fun in the shop, and all the teachers were so nice and complimentary to me today. Afterwards, Daniel and I went out and parked (natch). It was fun, but we didn’t neck much at all – just talked. We talked about loving each other, and he remembered better than I did when he had told me. He said he had meant it most of the times. He also remembered that I had never told him. I really don’t know if I do or not, but I think it’s just that I like him a lot.

January 30

Today, Susan and I came down to Sioux Falls, and Daniel never did say goodbye to me. We had loads of fun on the bus – we ate so much we were nearly sick. When we got here, we met Carol and her friends, Donna, Kay, and Judith. I just love them. We went to the game, which was so close, but we finally lost 60 – 54. Oh, I’ve never cried or sworn so much in my life. It just smashed all our hopes. Then we went to the dance, but didn’t do anything there. Then we got a bunch of boys and had a pizza party. It was really quite fun – and the boys are sure neat! Especially Ronnie Parks, Chuck Happ, and Mike Dykstera (who I might have a date with – I hope.) After they left, we had a slumber party. We stayed up talking – and right now it’s after 5:30 AM and we haven’t gone to sleep yet. I’m not even tired. Those boys sure are neat, but I still like Daniel.

January 31

Today we just had a ball! We slept ‘til noon, and then went downtown. Oh, they have the nicest stores here! We ran around the revolving doors and up and down the escalators like a bunch of country hicks. Susan said, “This is better than any playground,” and we nearly died laughing. I found some darling shoes, but when I went to get them, they were gone. I was so mad. We rode around and saw the whole town, too. Then we went to the show. We sat in the top row of the balcony, because Sue and I had never seen a show balcony before. So there we sat among the neckers. The show was real sad, and Carol and I were quietly crying, when Susan started sobbing real loud. It was so funny, we started laughing and crying at the same time. Everybody looked at us and we felt like fools. It was just a ball. Then we came home and had a whole bunch of pizza. I just love it. Then we went to bed – but talked for hours. In fact, it’s almost four now, and we’re still not done.

February 1

This morning we went to church and then had dinner at Carol’s with all the girls. Then we went riding around all afternoon. Finally, they took us to the bus and we left at 4:15. We really hated to go – we had so much fun. On the way home, Susan and I talked about everything. I've told her more than I've ever told anybody about Daniel and I. When we got back, Daniel picked us up. We took Sue home and then rode around a while. He was in quite a bad mood and wouldn't even touch me for the longest time. Marge wouldn't go out with him Saturday night because she was afraid I’d be mad at her. Nice of her. So he went stag. Well, after a while, he started warming up a little, and said he missed me and everybody at the dance asked where I was. Then we started necking a little – oh, I really liked him them. But then he started insisting on having his cold hands where they didn't belong, and I started getting mad. Then he said a bunch of stuff like that he sure got sick of just necking and said, “Oh, this is sickening,” and quit. I asked him how much it took to satisfy him, and he said, “Not very much.” Obviously our standards differ completely. Then he got all my stuff together and walked me to the door. Then he said, “You always have to keep your honor up, don’t you?” I didn't say anything for a minute, and then said, “Yeah.” He walked away. If I have to lower my standards in order to satisfy and keep him, I won’t do it because I don’t like him that well, and it isn't worth it. I’m really mad at him now. He’s being completely unfair and I’m not going to give up one inch. I can’t. And if he doesn't like it, too bad. He can find someone else, because I don’t care that much. True love – ha.

February 2

Went to school today – everybody asked me if I had a good time and all that at Sioux Falls. The kids are really nice and thoughtful. Pete told me that Daniel kept calling my house yesterday and he really missed me. And he was really serious, too. Daniel was kind of nice to me today, although he certainly didn't go out of his way – and neither did I. He talked to me in the halls after school, and sorta leaned on me and was real friendly. But he doesn't act like himself at all – he’s so quiet. Loretta told me tonight that she heard from a few people that Pete said Daniel said he was thinking of breaking up after the Tuck Formal. It’s all over the school. I guess he’s been thinking of it since Christmas. I know why he could, when we had all those fights and stuff. But after he told me he loved me and all, I don’t see how he could – unless he’s just giving me a line, which I wouldn't doubt at all. But the funny part is, I’m not sad at all. I guess I just don’t care very much.

February 3

Today wasn't much better than yesterday from the standpoint of Daniel and I. He did pay more attention to me. He kept insisting that he expected me to call him and told me to call him tonight. But I said No, I wouldn't and I didn't, either. But we went to Grandma’s for dinner and didn't get home ‘til nearly ten, so he might’ve called, although I doubt it. I don’t really like him, when I think about it, but I don’t think I want to lose him, either. Sure wish I knew what he wanted.

I got the highest grade in the lit test, and Mr. Florey asked me to join Math Club. We’re working on Advanced Algebra, and it’s hard!! Made ‘rotten egg’ gas in chemistry – that was lots of fun. School is getting a little better – and much easier!

February 4

This afternoon, Irma, Mary Ann, Sharee, and I gave a worship service at the church. We had a ball, and can’t wait ‘til we can join Women’s Fellowship! Tonight Daniel and I worked on our cloud chamber at school. Afterwards, we drove around and then parked out in front of our house. All he talked about was what would happen after we break up. He still wants to be friends and work on our cloud chamber and have our June 7th date. He said he thought we should go steady until the 7th at least, so I guess it’s really true about what he said. I just hated myself tonight – I couldn't think of anything to say and was just a clod. Finally, he started smelling my perfume and then he started kissing my neck and the side of my face. Oh, it was so nice – and just then the folks came home and wrecked it all. He seemed pretty set on breaking up, and now I’m beginning to like him better. Right now I’m wondering if it’s worth putting up a fight for, or if I should just leave it alone. Sure wish I knew.

February 5

Daniel was quite nice to me today, but he sure didn't go out of his way any. Tonight everybody went down and decorated. It’s absolutely beautiful! A Mardi Gras theme. But oh – are we ever tired – and excited!

February 6

I think Daniel kind of liked me today. I wore a real cute outfit and was in a real good mood. After the game tonight we went to the dance. I know he didn't want to take me, but I almost made him. And oh – we had so much fun! I never even dreamed it was possible with him anymore. Sometimes he held me tight when we were dancing, with both arms around me (right in public, too!) Oh, I nearly died! And we held hands nearly all the time. But it was afterwards that was most unbelievable! He put his arms around me in the car (I was sitting by him – and he didn't have to tell me this time!) then we drove out south of town and parked. First we sat there and necked awhile. I didn't say anything at first, but then when he started other stuff, I thought I’d better quickly. We didn't actually get much accomplished – we mostly just talked about that he wanted to so bad and why wouldn't I! He told me he loved me again. I love to hear it. He hardly ever says it, so I know it’s precious to him when he does. But I don’t really believe him – I think it’s mostly just part of the sales talk. But what a sales talk! When he whispers all that in my ear, “Please, Julie” and “I love you” and “Darling” I get so dizzy and excited and nauseated. I almost can’t stand it. When we came home, we stood out in front of my door, facing each other, and he had his arms around me – it was so romantical! He kept saying that someday I’d give in – but he didn't think it would be to him, because he doesn't have the technique. My lord – if he doesn't have it, I’d sure hate to meet up with someone who does! I told him if it was ever anybody, it would be him. He doesn't think so. He told me to put my nun doll where I can see it every day – and have it for my model, so I never forget. That was so funny.

February 7

Tonight was the Tuck Formal. Oh, it was about the most wonderful time I've ever had in my life!! I had the most beautiful flowers – a colonial, and we took loads of pictures. Daddy had to push us at first, because Daniel’s car wouldn't start. Nice. We went to Colleen and Sharee’s cake parties. The Grand March was so scary, and Daddy took pictures of us and embarrassed us to death. Then the dance – oh, it was the most wonderful! We had dance programs. The first part was kind of icky – I danced with some freaks. But then I started dancing with Jim Baker, Mud, Dan, and Duffy, and of course Daniel in between all those. It was so much fun! Then afterwards we went out to the Flamingo and had steak dinners. Daniel was smoking and he looked so sophisticated. We danced some more out there. Then we finally left. Jim just kept us in stitches – he’s so funny (and he forgot to pay his bill). Those two started making out – and this was their first date. And Jim doesn't even like her – I wish Sharee would learn a lesson.

Well then we went out and parked. Oh, I loved Daniel so much, and I could have just screamed, and I wanted to tell him so much. But he didn't tell me, so I couldn't. He was so quiet all night, and I just wonder whether or not he had a good time. He sure kissed me nice, though, but then he can do that easily enough. I sure hope he did because I love him so much.

February 8

Boy, today did I ever get a scare. Daniel didn't call all day, so finally I got the car and drove around. I found his car at the show. Oh, I was so mad. He sure doesn't care much about me. So I went and got Loretta. She was in a sad mood, too, because Keith really was in town last night. When I took her home, we left a note in Daniel’s car. It said: ‘You cute neglectful slob! Call me after 5:30 if you've still got a dime.” Well, he called once, but hung up before I got to the phone. So finally, I called him and asked him to our P.F. party. He gave a whole bunch of weak excuses why he didn't want to go, so I hung up. Boy, that really seemed like the end. I cried so hard, and everything just burned inside me and there was static in my ears. So now I've got a sample of how I’ll feel when he really does leave me. Well, a little while later he called back and said he’d decided he would go. (Boy, I've sure got the knack for pressuring ‘em!) Oh, I was so happy then I forgot everything. And then I nearly died of nervousness before they (Julain and Nick) picked me up. I’m so crazy in love with that guy I can’t see straight. The party was quite fun. We played games – in rhythm everybody would kid us because we always missed at the same time and got to sit together. Then we danced a little and ate. Afterwards we drove around (we were in the back seat) and he kissed me quite a bit, but he didn't really throw himself into it. But then, he really is tired. But at the door, he really kissed me – twice! Oh man, I’m gone!!!!

February 9

Didn't do much today – sorta nice day, though. Daniel was awful quiet – he’s still tired! But not me! He didn't call tonight – and I think we’re going down again. I’m sure he doesn't really like me. But he wore my sweater today, and last night too! Oh – he’s such a doll – especially in it!

February 10

Nothing much today. Daniel is still quiet – he’s in another one of his moods again. I wish I could understand them. I caught him looking at me quite bit in history, but I didn't see him after school and he didn't call again tonight. This morning he saw Susan and went and put his arm around her and was talking to her – just to make me jealous. Then Mrs. Maede came up to him and said, “How would you like it if I walked down the hall with my arm around you?” He got real embarrassed. It was so funny, I almost split a gut. I don’t know what I’d do if it weren't for my girlfriends. The best ones are Mary Ann, Irma and Sharee, in that order. And I've got lots of pretty good friends, too. Very nice. I guess (I mean, I know) I want Daniel back, but somehow I just can’t get up enough enthusiasm to work on it. I think I’ll make a resolution, though, to start tomorrow and tease the life out of him and get him back. In fact, I hereby make it!!!

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