Friday, October 4, 2013
Nothing much today. Daniel is still quiet – he’s in another one of his moods again. I wish I could understand them. I caught him looking at me quite bit in history, but I didn't see him after school and he didn't call again tonight. This morning he saw Susan and went and put his arm around her and was talking to her – just to make me jealous. Then Mrs. Maede came up to him and said, “How would you like it if I walked down the hall with my arm around you?” He got real embarrassed. It was so funny, I almost split a gut. I don’t know what I’d do if it weren't for my girlfriends. The best ones are Mary Ann, Irma and Sharee, in that order. And I've got lots of pretty good friends, too. Very nice. I guess (I mean, I know) I want Daniel back, but somehow I just can’t get up enough enthusiasm to work on it. I think I’ll make a resolution, though, to start tomorrow and tease the life out of him and get him back. In fact, I hereby make it!!!
Didn't do much today – sorta nice day, though. Daniel was awful quiet – he’s still tired! But not me! He didn't call tonight – and I think we’re going down again. I’m sure he doesn't really like me. But he wore my sweater today, and last night too! Oh – he’s such a doll – especially in it!
Boy, today did I ever get a scare. Daniel didn't call all day, so finally I got the car and drove around. I found his car at the show. Oh, I was so mad. He sure doesn't care much about me. So I went and got Loretta. She was in a sad mood, too, because Keith really was in town last night. When I took her home, we left a note in Daniel’s car. It said: ‘You cute neglectful slob! Call me after 5:30 if you've still got a dime.” Well, he called once, but hung up before I got to the phone. So finally, I called him and asked him to our P.F. party. He gave a whole bunch of weak excuses why he didn't want to go, so I hung up. Boy, that really seemed like the end. I cried so hard, and everything just burned inside me and there was static in my ears. So now I've got a sample of how I’ll feel when he really does leave me. Well, a little while later he called back and said he’d decided he would go. (Boy, I've sure got the knack for pressuring ‘em!) Oh, I was so happy then I forgot everything. And then I nearly died of nervousness before they (Julain and Nick) picked me up. I’m so crazy in love with that guy I can’t see straight. The party was quite fun. We played games – in rhythm everybody would kid us because we always missed at the same time and got to sit together. Then we danced a little and ate. Afterwards we drove around (we were in the back seat) and he kissed me quite a bit, but he didn't really throw himself into it. But then, he really is tired. But at the door, he really kissed me – twice! Oh man, I’m gone!!!!
Tonight was the Tuck Formal. Oh, it was about the most wonderful time I've ever had in my life!! I had the most beautiful flowers – a colonial, and we took loads of pictures. Daddy had to push us at first, because Daniel’s car wouldn't start. Nice. We went to Colleen and Sharee’s cake parties. The Grand March was so scary, and Daddy took pictures of us and embarrassed us to death. Then the dance – oh, it was the most wonderful! We had dance programs. The first part was kind of icky – I danced with some freaks. But then I started dancing with Jim Baker, Mud, Dan, and Duffy, and of course Daniel in between all those. It was so much fun! Then afterwards we went out to the Flamingo and had steak dinners. Daniel was smoking and he looked so sophisticated. We danced some more out there. Then we finally left. Jim just kept us in stitches – he’s so funny (and he forgot to pay his bill). Those two started making out – and this was their first date. And Jim doesn't even like her – I wish Sharee would learn a lesson.
Well then we went out and parked. Oh, I loved Daniel so much, and I could have just screamed, and I wanted to tell him so much. But he didn't tell me, so I couldn't. He was so quiet all night, and I just wonder whether or not he had a good time. He sure kissed me nice, though, but then he can do that easily enough. I sure hope he did because I love him so much.
I think Daniel kind of liked me today. I wore a real cute outfit and was in a real good mood. After the game tonight we went to the dance. I know he didn't want to take me, but I almost made him. And oh – we had so much fun! I never even dreamed it was possible with him anymore. Sometimes he held me tight when we were dancing, with both arms around me (right in public, too!) Oh, I nearly died! And we held hands nearly all the time. But it was afterwards that was most unbelievable! He put his arms around me in the car (I was sitting by him – and he didn't have to tell me this time!) then we drove out south of town and parked. First we sat there and necked awhile. I didn't say anything at first, but then when he started other stuff, I thought I’d better quickly. We didn't actually get much accomplished – we mostly just talked about that he wanted to so bad and why wouldn't I! He told me he loved me again. I love to hear it. He hardly ever says it, so I know it’s precious to him when he does. But I don’t really believe him – I think it’s mostly just part of the sales talk. But what a sales talk! When he whispers all that in my ear, “Please, Julie” and “I love you” and “Darling” I get so dizzy and excited and nauseated. I almost can’t stand it. When we came home, we stood out in front of my door, facing each other, and he had his arms around me – it was so romantical! He kept saying that someday I’d give in – but he didn't think it would be to him, because he doesn't have the technique. My lord – if he doesn't have it, I’d sure hate to meet up with someone who does! I told him if it was ever anybody, it would be him. He doesn't think so. He told me to put my nun doll where I can see it every day – and have it for my model, so I never forget. That was so funny.
This afternoon, Irma, Mary Ann, Sharee, and I gave a worship service at the church. We had a ball, and can’t wait ‘til we can join Women’s Fellowship! Tonight Daniel and I worked on our cloud chamber at school. Afterwards, we drove around and then parked out in front of our house. All he talked about was what would happen after we break up. He still wants to be friends and work on our cloud chamber and have our June 7th date. He said he thought we should go steady until the 7th at least, so I guess it’s really true about what he said. I just hated myself tonight – I couldn't think of anything to say and was just a clod. Finally, he started smelling my perfume and then he started kissing my neck and the side of my face. Oh, it was so nice – and just then the folks came home and wrecked it all. He seemed pretty set on breaking up, and now I’m beginning to like him better. Right now I’m wondering if it’s worth putting up a fight for, or if I should just leave it alone. Sure wish I knew.
Today wasn't much better than yesterday from the standpoint of Daniel and I. He did pay more attention to me. He kept insisting that he expected me to call him and told me to call him tonight. But I said No, I wouldn't and I didn't, either. But we went to Grandma’s for dinner and didn't get home ‘til nearly ten, so he might’ve called, although I doubt it. I don’t really like him, when I think about it, but I don’t think I want to lose him, either. Sure wish I knew what he wanted.
I got the highest grade in the lit test, and Mr. Florey asked me to join Math Club. We’re working on Advanced Algebra, and it’s hard!! Made ‘rotten egg’ gas in chemistry – that was lots of fun. School is getting a little better – and much easier!
Went to school today – everybody asked me if I had a good time and all that at Sioux Falls. The kids are really nice and thoughtful. Pete told me that Daniel kept calling my house yesterday and he really missed me. And he was really serious, too. Daniel was kind of nice to me today, although he certainly didn't go out of his way – and neither did I. He talked to me in the halls after school, and sorta leaned on me and was real friendly. But he doesn't act like himself at all – he’s so quiet. Loretta told me tonight that she heard from a few people that Pete said Daniel said he was thinking of breaking up after the Tuck Formal. It’s all over the school. I guess he’s been thinking of it since Christmas. I know why he could, when we had all those fights and stuff. But after he told me he loved me and all, I don’t see how he could – unless he’s just giving me a line, which I wouldn't doubt at all. But the funny part is, I’m not sad at all. I guess I just don’t care very much.
This morning we went to church and then had dinner at Carol’s with all the girls. Then we went riding around all afternoon. Finally, they took us to the bus and we left at 4:15. We really hated to go – we had so much fun. On the way home, Susan and I talked about everything. I've told her more than I've ever told anybody about Daniel and I. When we got back, Daniel picked us up. We took Sue home and then rode around a while. He was in quite a bad mood and wouldn't even touch me for the longest time. Marge wouldn't go out with him Saturday night because she was afraid I’d be mad at her. Nice of her. So he went stag. Well, after a while, he started warming up a little, and said he missed me and everybody at the dance asked where I was. Then we started necking a little – oh, I really liked him them. But then he started insisting on having his cold hands where they didn't belong, and I started getting mad. Then he said a bunch of stuff like that he sure got sick of just necking and said, “Oh, this is sickening,” and quit. I asked him how much it took to satisfy him, and he said, “Not very much.” Obviously our standards differ completely. Then he got all my stuff together and walked me to the door. Then he said, “You always have to keep your honor up, don’t you?” I didn't say anything for a minute, and then said, “Yeah.” He walked away. If I have to lower my standards in order to satisfy and keep him, I won’t do it because I don’t like him that well, and it isn't worth it. I’m really mad at him now. He’s being completely unfair and I’m not going to give up one inch. I can’t. And if he doesn't like it, too bad. He can find someone else, because I don’t care that much. True love – ha.